my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
