If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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