I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
