I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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