Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
