Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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