I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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