it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
