fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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