the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
