We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I believe in your delicious
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
