I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
