I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hippo gnu deer
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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