she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
