I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
