wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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