I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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