Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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