If i come over, it means nothing
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
