So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
