I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
