I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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