I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
