Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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