mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
