yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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