So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
