I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
