well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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