im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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