shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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