Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
