The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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