i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
