Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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