another moral hangover. fuck.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
