I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
