I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
