i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
