Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
