I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
