Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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