she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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