He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
