apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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