Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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