Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
