Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
