my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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