I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
