the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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