when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
