why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
