mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize