She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
