Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
