When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
