Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
