isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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