My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
