When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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