i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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