Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is Oprah even human
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
