During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
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And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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