And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
