Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
