Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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