That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
