dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
