Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
