yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
