Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
