She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
