whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
