Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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