Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
