the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
