Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
