She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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