If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
