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i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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