I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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