the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
