tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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